Six Harmful Behaviors That Push People Away

Another interesting document came across my desk recently and I wanted to share it with you. Some of you might recall the column written in May about the five harmful marriage habits. I received many positive comments about that one, and thought many of you would find this one equally enthralling. We all have witnessed negative behaviors the cause damage to relationships, professional success, and to the individual. It is important that we recognize these ‘toxic’ behaviors and shift away from them when they emerge.

Kathy Caprino, International Women’s Success Coach, speaker, and writer connects with hundreds of people every month and has made the following observations of the six most toxic behaviors:

1) Taking everything personally. When people believe that everything that happens in life is a direct assault on them, the reality is that what people say and do to you is much more about them than you. Operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide, and don’t take things personally.

2) Obsessing about negative thoughts. It is very difficult to be around people who can’t or won’t let go of negativity, dwelling on things that could happen or have happened, the slights they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life. Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a skewed way of thinking and living. Pessimism is one thing, but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another.

3) Treating yourself like a victim. Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no influence on the direction of your life, is a stance that keeps you stuck. When you refuse to see yourself as a hapless victim of fate or discrimination, then you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized.

4) Cruelty – lacking in empathy or putting yourself in others’ shoes. We see this everyday on line and in the media – people being devastatingly cruel and destructive to others just because they can. They may tear people down online, but use their anonymity as a weapon. If you find yourself backstabbing and tearing someone else down, stop in your tracks. Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, realizing that we all have feelings.

5) Excessive reactivity. An inability to manage your emotions is annoying or even harmful to those around you. We all know people who explode over the smallest hiccup or problem. If you find yourself overly reactive, losing it at every turn, control your emotions and try to understand what’s at the root of your emotionality. There is more to it than appears on the surface. An outside perspective can often help.

6) Needing constant validation/perfectionism. Those who constantly strive for validation and self-esteem by obsessing about achieving outward measures of success are exhausting to be around. People who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over, constantly wanting to “win” over their colleagues or peers, are draining to be around. Over-attachment to achieving certain milestones and accomplishments rather than going with life in a more flexible, easy manner, can wear you out. There is a bigger picture to your life, and it isn’t about what you achieve or fail at today. It’s about the journey – what you are learning and applying, how you are helping others. Avoid stressing over particular outcomes such as, “I need that promotion now!”, or “My house has to be spotless.” This perfectionistic attitude can drain happiness.

Whew – that’s some deep food for thought!

Looking Ahead

Summer is in full swing and there are several opportunities and activities coming up. Hopkins County will be sending nineteen to Multi-county 4-H camp July 7-9, at Lone Star. The sessions will include shooting sports, Ropes course, sewing, outdoor first aid, biologist skills, canoeing/kayaking, Junior Master Gardeners – edible gardening, and more. Pray for their safety during this exciting camp.

Four of our 4-H members qualified for District 4-H Record Book competition on July 10th. Mario and I will be sure to share results with you!

Eight of our older 4-H members and four adult chaperones will leave on Friday, July 11 for a 4-H Exchange Trip to Eau Claire, Wisconsin. They will travel by vehicle, making stops along the way to visit sights. These 4-H’ers will make a journal of their experiences. We expect to hear good things from their trip!

Kids’ Camp: Fun, Food, Fitness will wrap up July 18th. With 34 children enrolled, they have had some great experiences with foods & nutrition, physical activity, Walk Across Texas, gardening, water conservation, bullying prevention, pet safety, fire safety, simple money management, and much more. Appreciation goes to Sylvia Millsap and the staff at DSHS for helping implement this camp!

I’ll be attending the Texas Association of Family & Consumer Sciences conference in Bryan later this month. I look forward to spending great networking and professional development time with my peers! I might even bring home an award or two.

Closing Thought

To be successful, you must change your attitude toward the word “no.” – Tom Hopkins

Johanna Hicks
Texas A&M AgriLife Extension
Family & Consumer Sciences
1200-B W. Houston
P.O.Box 518
Sulphur springs, TX 75483
903-885-3443 – phone
903-439-4909 – Fax
[email protected]